Tonight's full card
The Lineup
39 designs. Both sides. No safe spaces.
Aisle left
I Survived the Constitutional Crisis Bingo Card
Every square is a real headline. Cross off "Executive Order at 2am" and "Founding Fathers Rolling in Graves" before brunch.
Aisle left
My Body My Choice (But Make It About Kale)
A bunch of kale rendered as a protest sign. Because sometimes the most radical thing you can do is buy organic AND vote.
Aisle left
Thoughts & Prayers & Absolutely Nothing Else
Ornate prayer hands in vintage woodcut style. Looks like a church program, hits like a reality check.
Aisle left
I Read the Bill and Now I'm Lost
A maze of stacked legislation and red tape. Original bureaucratic-nightmare energy, no borrowed fantasy shorthand.
Aisle left
I Paused My Game to Vote
8-bit pixel art hero walking toward the voting booth like it's the final boss. Democracy requires respawns too.
Aisle right
I Survived the Great Toilet Paper Shortage of 2020
One precious roll of TP, rendered like a gold bar on a velvet cushion. Because nothing says "land of the free" like hoarding two-ply.
Aisle right
My Pronouns Are U.S.A.
Bold military stencil letters with a bald eagle perched on top. Distressed vintage texture. Red, white, and blue. No-nonsense patriotic.
Aisle right
I Identify as Exhausted by This Administration
Editorial cartoon of a character slumped over a desk, papers flying, coffee empty. A red "REJECTED" stamp on the pile.
Aisle right
The Government Spent $3.2 Million on That Study
An elaborate government document cover page with seals and stamps. The punchline "nothing." is in tiny text at the bottom.
Aisle right
Don't Tread on Me — But Also Please Cut My Grass
The classic Gadsden snake in cargo shorts and a "World's Best Dad" hat on a riding mower. Revolutionary dad energy.
Aisle left
Eat the Rich (But Compost Them First)
A compost bin with top hats and dollar bills decomposing inside. Botanical illustration style. Sustainable revolution.
Aisle left
I Read the Terms and Conditions So You Don't Have To
A magnifying glass over tiny legal text. Minimalist design for the person who actually reads the fine print.
Aisle left
This Is My Protest Shirt (I Have Seven More at Home)
A closet overflowing with protest shirts. Watercolor style. For the serial activist with a wardrobe to match.
Aisle left
My Therapist Says I Should Stop Reading the News
A meditating figure surrounded by news chaos. Retro 1960s illustration style. The irony is the point.
Aisle left
Silent Majority? I've Been Screaming Since 2016
A megaphone with sound waves and a raised fist. Punk zine style for the chronically vocal.
Aisle right
I Don't Need a Permit to Grill on My Own Property
A grill wrapped in red tape and bureaucratic forms. Editorial cartoon style. Freedom smells like charcoal.
Aisle right
My Retirement Plan Is the Collapse of the Dollar
A cracked piggy bank with a falling stock chart behind it. Gold and red tones. Dark humor for dark times.
Aisle right
"Come and Take It" (But It's a Gas Stove)
A defiant lone-star banner swaps the cannon for a gas stove. Culinary liberty, turned up to high.
Aisle right
I Paid My Taxes and All I Got Was This Lousy Deficit
Tacky souvenir shop style with a frowning Uncle Sam. The cringe IS the joke.
Aisle right
Secure Borders, Grilled Steaks, and a Firm Handshake
Three clean icons: a border wall, a T-bone, and a handshake. Rugged Americana, no explanation needed.
Aisle left
The Floor Is Lava, the Ceiling Is Glass
Retro 8-bit pixel art: a woman jumping from desk to desk over lava while a cracked glass ceiling sparkles above.
Aisle left
I Did My Own Research (3 YouTube Videos and a TikTok)
A person in a lab coat with a "YouTube University" diploma. Pop art halftone dots. Peer review, but make it pop art.
Aisle left
I'd Rather Be Organizing My Spice Rack Than Watching C-SPAN
A perfectly organized spice rack with political labels. Domestic bliss over political abyss.
Aisle left
I Voted and All I Got Was This Existential Dread
A vintage "I Voted" sticker dripping with existential dread. Dark teal and cream. Democracy: it's what's for dread.
Aisle right
Do You Feel Lucky, Taxpayer?
A noir-era tax notice meets an oversized audit stamp. High-contrast taxpayer suspense without borrowed characters.
Aisle right
May the Free Market Be With You
A rising market chart cuts through a field of stars. Retro-futurist economics for people who trust prices more than panels.
Aisle right
I'd Rather Be Fishing But the Government Regulated My Lake
A serene fishing scene with a lake covered in red tape and permit signs. Land of the free, unless the fish need permits.
Aisle right
Hold My Tax Return, I'm Going In
A helmeted warrior charges into the comment section. A dramatic tribute to brave replies and terrible decisions.
Aisle right
I Don't Always Read the Constitution, But When I Do, I Skip to the Second Amendment
A sharply dressed reader holds a pocket Constitution with the Second Amendment bookmarked. Priorities, plainly stated.
Aisle left
I Asked My Congressman a Question. My Chatbot Answered Faster.
A dusty rotary phone vs a sleek AI chatbot. AI/tech satire about government unresponsiveness.
Aisle left
Land of the Free (Restrictions May Apply)
Statue of Liberty reimagined as a retail display with price tags and fine print. 4th of July irony.
Aisle left
The DOGE Ate My Homework (And My Department)
A Shiba Inu in a government office amid shredded documents. Current events satire.
Aisle left
My Therapist and My Senator Both Ghosted Me
Two phones showing "Read ✓✓" with no reply. Minimalist iMessage design. Too relatable.
Aisle left
Democracy Is Not a Spectator Sport (But the Snacks Are Terrible)
A political rally as a stadium event with "Electoral College" popcorn. Retro sports program aesthetic.
Aisle right
My Smart Fridge Has More Freedom Than My Small Business
A fridge lounging on a beach vs a storefront wrapped in red tape. AI/tech meets small business frustration.
Aisle right
Thanksgiving: The One Day the Family Agrees to Disagree (Barely)
Bird's eye dinner table forming a political spectrum. The turkey wears an "Undecided" sash.
Aisle right
I Did Not Inherit This Country's Problems — I'm Still Paying for Them
A CVS-length receipt itemizing the national debt. The joke is how long the paper unrolls.
Aisle right
I Read the Constitution So I Could Argue With Confidence
A person on a recliner-throne holding the Constitution like a sword and shield. Heroic movie poster style.
Aisle right
Happy 4th of July: Now Watch Me Grill and Not Think About Politics for 4 Hours
A bald eagle in an apron flipping burgers. Patriotic smoke rising from the grill. Dad humor perfected.